swf

Me:
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure.  I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.


I have tan skin, dark hair, and dimples.
I have no siblings, no children, but two (soon to be three) cats.
I have two jobs, no car, and a Master's degree.

I wear glasses/contacts, a cross necklace, and homemade ankle bracelets.

Every day I need sunshine, attention, prayer, and an unlimited text messaging plan.

I'm a good girl. I live with my Momma.
I love Jesus and America too.
I'm a good girl, crazy 'bout music
I love kittens and boyfriends too.

It's a long day livin' in Williamsport.
There's a train runnin' next to my yard.
If you're a bad boy, don't even message me.
Don't even think of breakin' my heart.


I'm not like other girls. I tell you what's on my mind and how I feel.
I'm sweet, sassy, flirty, friendly, and bold.
I'm college educated, family oriented, and religious.
I'm attention seeking, occasionally clingy, but super thoughtful.
I've got big brown eyes, a smile to light up a room, and a heart of gold.
I'm responsible, organized, and determined. I'm going to change the world.
I'm painfully honest, rationally emotional, and absolutely adorable.


I'm fully aware that I might drive you absolutely crazy, but you'll never be bored.
I don't play "hard to get." If I like you, I'll tell you. Life's too short to wait around.

wasting time

I hear the ice cream truck in my neighborhood. If I wasnt so lazy, I'd run after that shit.

By "lazy" I mean that Im a very busy girl. I am involved in a dozen different things through work, school, church, family, community, etc. When I have down time, I usually prefer to spend it with someone. I love attention. I need it. I've dealt with enough loss in my life (ie, death of three close family members in 2 years) to know that time is love. The laundry, grocery shopping, lawn mowing can all wait another day. Especially if you have the opportunity to spend that time with someone special in your life who you enjoy their company.

I was the girl who always had a best friend and didnt care too much for boyfriends. I liked to talk to boys, but I needed someone, one person, that I could confide in, laugh with, and cry to. One main person who knew all of the ins and outs of my life, the names of my nieces and nephews, my favorite things. That first person I would call to share good news, ask to have dinner, or whatever else I could imagine.

In elementary school, that best friend was Ali Doyle, until she moved away. My super small Catholic school class was close, so I also had close friendships with Catlin, Meghan, Brooke, Leslie, and others as time went on. In junior high, it was Amanda Savoy. I hung out in her garage all the time in 7th grade. Ali and Amanda both moved away, and our relationships faded. High school was all about Jenn... until she cheated on her fiancee with the guy I was trying to date. Hmmm... what a best friend should be dont you think??

College was different. I had classes with Courtney, lived with Christine, and had half a dozen "hoes" to call my BFFs. And then I became a gay magnet, and had Patch, Poodle, Hubby, T-Bone,  and Soulmate in my phone, just to name a few of my favorite homos. When I moved back to Williamsport, I met Natali at WBS. Melissa and I reunited randomly after many years (I was almost born at her parents' wedding.) More recently, I met Asa and Wayne, reconnected with Nikki, and found Rae through my retreat networking.

These people who I consider my closest friends are so scattered now. New York, New Jersey, DC, Maryland, Vermont, Hershey, Scranton. Some are married. Some have babies. Some have dogs. One even has a doctorate. I have my momma's house in Williamsport and two - soon to be three - cats/kittens.

Jeff was my escape. My ticket out of town. A new future to spend with someone else. Someone who could fulfill all of the needs of a friend, and lover. It's hard to believe that that was an entire year ago.

Ian was another story. I'm wondering now if it truly was him that I cared so much for, or if it was just the idea of him. He's perfect on paper, and he loved me back. I centered my life around him (not completely) but I devoted all of my free time to him. Yeah, I knew I'd get back to my point eventually. I have a hard time just relaxing, unless I'm spending my time with someone. Laying on the couch and watching a movie is impossible for me unless I'm sick/hungover/with my significant other. It's what I did alll day Sunday, alone.
*I was with Brian, but that's a whole other story. Basically I took up space in his apartment for 18 hours.

Ian asked me last week if I wanted to be his best friend.

Later that night, we talked about how no matter what our titles, we would still love/care for each other.

My feelings for him havent changed.

I cant figure out yet if it's the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" or "if you love something, let it go. if it comes back, its yours" or "the best way to get over an old love is to get under a new one" cliche that I'm living by right now. I think it's a combination of all of them. Either way, I just want time to speed up a little bit this week. I'm terrified because school is almost over, and I'll be bored out of my mind for all of June. I need something in my life to have a reason to live. Something that excites me to get out of bed in the morning. Motivation. Happiness. Hope.

someday, somewhere.

our song

I heard this song the morning after we met. Every time I heard it, I thought of you.

It's playing right now. It's taking everything in me not to break down into tears.

I know you've been hurt by someone else

I can tell by the way you carry yourself.

If you let me, here's what I'll do

I'll take care of you (I'll take, I'll take, I'll take)

I've loved and I've lost.

I've asked about you and they've told me things

but my mind didn't change

I still the feel the same

what's a life with no fun, please don't be so ashamed

I've had mine, you've had yours we both know, we know.

They don't get you like I will

my only wish is I die real

cause that truth hurts, and those lies heal

and you can't sleep thinking that he lies still

so you cry still, tears all in the pillow case,

big girls all get a little taste

pushing me away so I give her space

dealing with a heart that I didn't break.

I'll be there for you, I will care for you

I keep thinking you, just don't know

try to run from that, say you're done with that

on your face girl, it just don't show.

When you're ready, just say you're ready

when all the baggage just ain't as heavy

and the parties over, just don't forget me

we'll change the pace and we'll just go slow.

You won't ever have to worry,

you won't ever have to hide,

you've seen all my mistakes,

so look me in my eyes.

'Cause if you let me, here's what I'll do

I'll take care of you (I'll take, I'll take, I'll take)

I've loved and i've lost.

It's my birthday, I'll get high if I want to

can't deny that I want you, but I'll lie if have to

cause you don't say you love me

to your friends when they ask you

even though we both know that you do (you do).

One time, been in love one time

you and all your girls in the club one time

all so convinced that you're following your heart

cause your mind don't control what it does sometimes.

We all have our nights though, don't be so ashamed

I've had mine, you've had yours, we both know, we know.

You hate being alone

you ain't the only one

you hate the fact that you bought the dream

and they sold you one

you love your friends but somebody shoulda told you somin',

to save you, instead he said;

don't a-ha-ha-ha-ha,

tell me a-ha-ha-ha-ha,

I don't care a-ha-ha-ha-ha,

If you're hurt a-ha-ha-ha-ha.

I won't a-ha-ha-ha-ha,

tell you a-ha-ha-ha-ha,

you don't care a-ha-ha-ha-ha,

if you're true a-ha-ha-ha-ha,

don't a-ha-ha-ha-ha,

tell me a-ha-ha-ha-ha,

I don't care a-ha-ha-ha-ha,

If you're hurt a-ha-ha-ha-ha.

I won't a-ha-ha-ha-ha,

tell you a-ha-ha-ha-ha,

you don't care a-ha-ha-ha-ha,

if you're true a-ha-ha-ha-ha,

I know you've been hurt by someone else

I can tell by the way you carry yourself

if you let me, here's what I'll do

I'll take care of you (I'll take, I'll take, I'll take)

I've loved and I've lost.

here comes the tears...

Share my life, take me for what I am'Cause I'll never change all my colors for youTake my love, I'll never ask for too muchJust all that you are and everything that you do
I don't really need to look very much furtherI don't want to have to go where you don't followI won't hold it back again, this passion insideI can't run from myself, there's nowhere to hide
Don't make me close one more doorI don't wanna hurt anymoreStay in my arms if you dareOr must I imagine you thereDon't walk away from meI have nothing, nothing, nothingIf I don't have you, you, you, you, you
You see through, right to the heart of meYou break down my walls with the strength of your loveI never knew love like I've known it with youWill a memory survive, one I can hold on to
I don't really need to look very much furtherI don't want to have to go where you don't followI won't hold it back again, this passion insideI can't run from myself, there's nowhere to hideYour love I'll remember forever
Oh, don't make me close one more doorI don't wanna hurt anymoreStay in my arms if you dareOr must I imagine you thereDon't walk away from meI have nothing, nothing, nothing
Don't make me close one more doorI don't wanna hurt anymoreStay in my arms if you dareOr must I imagine you thereDon't walk away from me, noDon't walk away from me
Don't you dare walk away from meI have nothing, nothing, nothingIf I don't have you, youIf I don't have you, oh you

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adventures in online dating...

dude 4/23/2012 1:09:28 PM You are a very attractive woman

dude 4/23/2012 11:30:01 PM i want you. ill marry you right now.

dude 4/25/2012 12:47:28 PM I want you.

dude 4/25/2012 12:49:46 PM You're a sexy woman, I want you in my bed everynight.

dude 4/25/2012 12:54:42 PM I'll marry you right now. I think dude is not from America and wanted to stay in this country. Seriously. Thanks for the compliments dude! But I have a boyfriend, so stop being creepy. :)